I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
