the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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