he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
