Define "chronic" masturbator.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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