apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
