also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
