you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
