He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
