Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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