Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
