I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
