the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
