i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
