worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
