Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just gargled with NyQuil
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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