need another drink. this is the easiest way
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
