First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
