fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
