I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I've blown a few things in my day
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just gargled with NyQuil
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
