just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
How does it feel to date your dad?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
