So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
