Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
