i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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