Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
