I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
