omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
