Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
