Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
