I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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