So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
