Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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