Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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