I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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