He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
