my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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