I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
