@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You are the jesus of drinking
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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