So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
