if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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