yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
