I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
