I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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