I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
