but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
