I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
