Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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