I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
