everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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