Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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