I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
