This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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