are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
