I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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